Duo and Heero's New Pet
by Kozakura
Summary: Duo and Heero get a new pet. Jealousy reigns in Heero's heart. Comedy. Winner of a Ficlet challenge.


1 Duo and Heero's new pet  
  
Another day, Another dollar.  
  
Or, to be more precise, another day, another fifty-two dollars.  
  
'Christ, working for minimum wage sucks.' thought Duo Maxwell.  
  
'Oh well. If you don't like your job you might as well make it fun', he thought as he tossed a grin at the customer on the other side of the counter, a small boy in a Jean jacket and baseball cap.  
  
"Welcome to the Bryant Street Theater...have a fruit roll-up. Well, aren't you gonna eat it? Oh, for Christ's sake!" He shouted the last as a coworker dumped popcorn on him, getting grease on his pants.  
  
"What the hell was that for, Barton?"  
  
"…" Trowa held up the popcorn bucket and pointed to the bottom, which was split open.  
  
"Oh… well tape it up and fill it again."  
  
Trowa sighed.  
  
"Would you like to buy a disfunctional popcorn bucket?"  
  
"Look, never ask a mime for a slide show, they might bite you!" Duo retorted.  
  
A man with squiggly blue hair, long white limbs, and in full mime regalia stepped out from behind the boy and began pantomiming his anger.  
  
As the man reached forward with a long arm, and began to smack Duo upside the head, Duo knew it was going to be a long day.  
  
~~~  
  
Actually, it wasn't too long a day as he got fired after his lunch break. He walked out to the parking lot, and over to his parking space.  
  
His…. Empty…. parking space.  
  
He stood in the middle of the parking space and slowly revolved in place.  
  
"My…moter…cycle…"  
  
'Actually it was Wufei's motercycle…' a little voice corrected in his head.  
  
"Yeah, but I looked better on it!" He argued back.  
  
'Yeah, but it really wasn't your's!'  
  
"Oh, Shut up!" he said throwing his hands up in disgust.  
  
'No you shut up, stupid!'  
  
"No, baka yarou!"  
  
'Moron!'  
  
"Idiot!"  
  
'Half-wit!'  
  
"Dim-wit!"  
  
'Fool!'  
  
"Stup- no, wait, we already said that… you ss…you, you….You PSYCHODUCK!"  
  
'Psychoduck? Psychoduck! What kinda insult is that? I havn't heard an insult that bad since, since… I've never heard an insult that bad!'  
  
"Oh, shut up…"  
  
"Likitung?" Said a little voice behind him  
  
Duo spun around, searching for the voice, and promptly tripped on a small creature near his feet.  
  
He tumbled head over heels, braid flying, and finally landed on his back.  
  
He groaned and opened his eyes. Looking up he could only see the clear blue sky.  
  
And the sun as it burnt his retina's.  
  
He closed his eyes again with a hiss and sat up, rubbing away sunspots. Turning around on the grass, he faced his parking space again.  
  
There, in the middle of the space was a small pink and red creature. Well, that's what Duo would have seen if the animals giant tongue hadn't been in the way.  
  
The creature came up to Duo and began to lick his face. The boy reared back disgusted, as large amounts of saliva were added to his face.  
  
"Uch! What are you doing?" said the braided one as his face began to tingle pleasantly.  
  
"Stop it! Stop it! The only one allowed to lick my face is Heero!" Duo cried as he pushed the creature away.  
  
"Likitung!" the creature insisted.  
  
"No! get away!" He pushed the creature away again. He got up, and out of the creatures reach. It danced around his feet squeaking 'Likitung'. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Duo began the long trek home.  
  
~~~  
  
Brush, brush, brush.  
  
Braid, braid, braid.  
  
Tie, tie, tie.  
  
Button, button, button, button.  
  
*click*  
  
Music blared out of the stereo in Duo and Heero's living room.  
  
However, no one was to be seen.  
  
"That was just BNL with 'If I had $1,000,000'. Now here's Janet Jackson!" declared the bubbly radio announcer.  
  
All my girls at the party  
  
Look at his body  
  
Shakin' that thing  
  
Like I never did see  
  
Got a nice package alright  
  
Guess I'm gonna have to ride it tonight  
  
Guess I'm gonna have to ride it tonight  
  
Duo, in one of Heero's white dress shirts, sunglasses, and a braid (and nothing else) slid across the floor, singing to Janet Jackson into a hairbrush.  
  
All for you  
  
If you really want it  
  
All for you if you say you need it  
  
All for you if you gotta have it  
  
All for you make a move  
  
All for you  
  
Heero observed all this from the kitchen. He had just walked into the house from his job at the bank when Duo began his little show. He watched Duo's performance, which consisted of lip-synching the song while doing an obscene little dance.  
  
The song came to an end and Duo began bowing.  
  
"Yes, I am the Lord of the Underwear! I'll be here all week!"  
  
Left, Right, Center. Than he turned around and bowed to the back. As he straightened up, he saw Heero.  
  
"HEE-CHAN!" Duo flung himself at the poor boy. Unsuspecting, Heero was knocked over, and the two fell to the floor, where Duo proceeded to kiss every inch of Heero's face.  
  
"Hello, Duo. What are you doing home so early?"  
  
"Well, they fired me at the theater. Oh, and someone stole Wufei's bike."  
  
"Oh, did Wufei call?"  
  
"No, I borrowed it and someone stole it from me. I was kinda wondering if you'd tell him for me."  
  
Heero opened his mouth to answer.  
  
"Likitung?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
A small creature toddled into the room from Duo's 'stage'. Heero stared in shock at the creature's enormous tongue.  
  
"What is that?"  
  
"Our new pet."  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"It's name is Likitung. Isn't it cute?"  
  
"There is no way we are keeping that thing."  
  
"But, Heero, It followed me home. Can we keep it? Huh? Please?"  
  
"Iie." (No.)  
  
"PLEEEEEEASE?"  
  
"Iie!" (No!)  
  
Duo made Bambi eyes at Heero.  
  
"PLEEEEEEEEEEEAASSSSSSEEEE?  
  
Heero grumbled as Duo looked at him with large purple eyes.  
  
"Fine."  
  
Duo began cheering, and crawled of Heero to hug the likitung.  
  
"Did you here that? Heero's letting me keep you! We're going to have so much fun!"  
  
Heero shook his head.  
  
"I'm not going to feed it! Or clean up after it. And if you get bored of it, you're going to have to find someone to take it!"  
  
"Heero, don't say things like that around our baby!"  
  
"Yomeiikubakumai" [pic] (Your days our numbered.)  
  
"Kieseru." (F-- - off)  
  
*Pause*  
  
"Do you even know what that means?"  
  
~~~  
  
Heero did wind up feeding the pet, and cleaning up after it. However, Duo did not get bored of playing with his little pet. Instead of looking for a job, he would wrestle with it, take it for walks, give it treats, teach it tricks. Soon he let it sleep in their bed.  
  
Pretty soon Heero was feeling a little jealous.  
  
"Duo, do you have to let that goddamn thing sleep in bed with us?" he asked one night after the Likitung had pushed him across the bed, and he had woken up on his journey to the floor. Heero was starting to suspect that the Likitung was trying to steal Duo.  
  
"YES! If you don't want him to sleep in the same bed as us, YOU can sleep on the COUCH!" Duo pouted while patting the hopping Likitung on the head.  
  
"Fine! Maybe I will!" Heero grabbed a blanket and a pillow and stomped off to the living room.  
  
He lay on the couch for quite awhile, unable to get to sleep.  
  
Goddamn Likitung.  
  
By the time dawn had come, Heero had thought of 365 Ways to Kill a Likitung.  
  
You could throw it under a bus.  
  
You could break it's back.  
  
You could grind it into sand.  
  
You could cook it in soy.  
  
No need to discuss much…  
  
~~~  
  
Duo sat in an unusual stony silence, frowning at his dinner.  
  
To apologize Heero had made Duo's favorite meal. Frog's legs.  
  
Duo was not forgiving.  
  
"This taste's like chicken doesn't it, Duo?"  
  
Ever contradictory, Duo responded with:  
  
"It does NOT taste like chicken...chicken tastes like IT!!!"  
  
Heero sighed as he picked at his own meal. Duo took his vegetables and began feeding them to the Likitung, cooing to it all the while.  
  
Heero frowned.  
  
"Duo, the Likitung is not working out as a pet."  
  
Both the boy and the creature froze as Heero said this. The Likitung turned is stupid beady eyes to Heero. He saw a glimmer of intelligence flicker through them. Suddenly the Likitung burst out into loud tears.  
  
"Heero! How could you say that around our baby!"  
  
"Goddamit, Duo! That creature is not my baby, it is not your baby! It just wants to get rid of me!"  
  
"Honestly, Heero, listen to yourself! This little angel couldn't hurt a fly! Well, maybe a fly, he does eat those sometimes… But it would never intentionally hurt you Heero!"  
  
"Duo, it pushed me out of bed last night!"  
  
"That was an accident!"  
  
"Duo, the Likitung drooled all over my clothes again. I had to wear your's to work, and not only were they all wrinkly, and too big, but half the people asked me if I was training to be a priest!"  
  
"Well, maybe you shouldn't put them in the closet. I left mine on the floor, and he didn't drool on them."  
  
"Duo, that Likitung does not like me!"  
  
"He does too, It's just you who do not like him!"  
  
Duo stood up and ran into the bedroom, scooping up the Likitung on his way.  
  
Heero stood up and stalked into the living room. It looked like another long night on the couch.  
  
~~~  
  
Duo lay on his bed, crying into the pillow, trying to be quiet so Heero wouldn't hear him. He wanted to keep the Likitung, but he didn't want to lose Heero.  
  
As he cried the Likitung nudged at him with his small head.  
  
Duo rolled over and looked at his little pet.  
  
"Is Heero right? Do you want to get rid of him?"  
  
The Likitung began licking Duo's face, attempting to dry it of the tears, but really only getting it more wet.  
  
He closed his eyes enjoying the slight tingling sensation that always happened when the Likitung licked his face or hands.  
  
Than he felt the creatures tongue drop to his neck, and a little paw rest on his chest.  
  
Duo's eyes sprung open.  
  
'Heero was right! The Likitung is trying to seduce you!' he thought.  
  
"EEEEEEK!" Duo jumped off the bed, pushing the Likitung away. The creature suddenly looked angry, menacing. It hopped off the bed and advanced at Duo.  
  
"Likitung." It said rather menacingly.  
  
"Help! Heero! Heeee-lp!!"  
  
Heero threw the door to the room open, and quickly took in the scene. Duo in the corner. Likitung looking very determined. Heero got an idea of what was going on.  
  
He ran forward and grabbed the Likitung by the scruff of the neck.  
  
"I have had enough of you!"  
  
He dragged it across the apartment, to the front door. He threw open the front door, and tossed the Likitung out.  
  
"AND STAY OUT!"  
  
The Likitung turned around and looked at Heero with it's dumb eyes.  
  
"Likitung?" It said, trying to act cute.  
  
"Hn." Heero slammed the door.  
  
"Oh, Heero! I was so scared! It started licking my face, like it always does, and then it tried to seduce me, just like you said!" Duo ran into Heero's arms  
  
"Shhh… It's okay, it's okay. Just promise me one thing Duo."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You'll never ever get a pet again."  
  
~~~  
  
*Owari* 


End file.
